"Diary of a Fat White Woman"

Ok, so I'm not what you'd consider obese maybe but I just don't enjoy being the way I am. (This is not where all you skinny people write me back and tell me how wonderful I look.....just hush up and let me have my funk moment here!!!)
I made several observations:

1.) My body has learned the true meaning of gravity!: Can I just tell you that I don't believe all the cranes in the world could lift me back to where I was 20 years ago?? It's all going downward and no matter how much duct tape I would use is going to keep it form doing this!

2.) I have 2 butts!: My kids tease me about this all the time and it drives me nuts! This is not a medical phenomenon, it's a medical screwup! I had surgery on my back a few years ago and the doctor sold me on the idea of opening me up from the front instead of the back. Something about "minimizing muscle damage." What he didn't tell me was when he sewed me up, he was going to let some stitch surgeon in training do the sewing! He started at the bottom of my stomach, headed up and wasn't he so kind as to go "around" my belly button!! That's right, he went around it. I think he stitched way too tight because my stomach curves in where the stitches are, hence the teasing from the kids.

3.) I work around skinny people: Oh yeah, you know who you are, all slim and in shape, looking like the cranes have blessed you for many years. If you've had surgeries, good for you and I hate you for this....All I can say is.....go eat some cake!!!

4.) I have too many clothes that range in different sizes and can't get rid of any of them!: I go up and down like pogo stick in size which is sooooo depressing!! just give me one size and let's stick with it! The problem is, I seem to be leaning towards the bigger sizes and it's just not right! I want to wear the smaller ones!!!
I'm not going to stare in the mirror this morning because it will put me into deeper funk. I'm going to slap on some jeans, an oversize shirt and go to work, hoping that those who are the "skinny ones" are complaining about eating cake a few days ago and gaining weight......maybe I'll buy them some more...:-)
If you have mirrors in your house that can show a full body shot....get rid of them!!! Replace them with pictures of plump people and make yourself feel better!!!
Until next time.
Tootles!
Theresa