Meaning Making: Adjusting To The Death Of A Loved One

There is no family or individual exempt from the experience brought on by the death of a loved one. Most would agree that of all the life experience we have, death is by far the most stressful, difficult experience to work through. The result of death is the loss of a loved one that cannot be replaced, which validates the hurt and pain that is associated with it each time it comes calling.
The process of grief does not have a pre-determined timeline, and it certainly does not come with any rules of engagement. While one family may find their world crashing down around them, another may recognize the process of life to death and be well prepared to work through the grieving process in a healthier, structured fashion.
     Consistent with the majority of death is the desire to make sense of it. Whether it is a sudden death, or one resulting from long term illness, the family will need to be able to make sense of the death and find out what the meaning of it is all about. A mother and father may decide to donate organs as a way to deal with the senseless death of their child, whereas another may decide it’s more important for their child to be buried without losing a single part of his physical self. Whatever the decision, the importance of being able to make the choice themsleves will contribute to the process of healing after the loss.

For many, meaning making is the process of putting death into perspective so as to have the ability to cope and deal with it. There has to be a way to come into control with the grief process, understanding how it fits into the rest of one’s life. Without meaning making, the grieving process may be slowed or confused, causing loved ones to question why they suffered the loss and how they can return to a world of normalcy.

Many cultures display grief differently by the way they mourn their loved one to the amount of time the commit to the mourning period. A traditional Jewish family may adhere to a strict mourning period while a traditional Baptist family recognizes that the time to grieve is short. Some hold fast to the activities surrounding a death, whereas others find anything beyond the act of cremation to be excessive and prolonged. Each culture, gender religion and family views the process of meaning making differently and requests that respect be paid to their process.

It has often been said that the holidays observed during the first year following the death are most important for meaning making as they are the first holidays without the loved ones presence. The first birthday that they can’t be given a suppose party, the first Christmas without their name on the gifts, they are all significant events that remind us of the loss we have suffered. How we decide to recognize their loss during these times is up to us, and may very well be seen by others as not grieving. In fact, the process of remembering through significant events can be a healthy contributor to our grieving process and should never be discouraged.

Meaning making is an individual decision and is healthy as it relates to our grief process. Our ability to make meaning of the loved one who is gone shows a deep respect and love for the memories they left behind. Take time to remember, which in the end, will contribute to your healing from loss.
Theresa