Surviving The Major Holidays After The Loss Of A Loved One

The Christmas season is upon us, becoming evident by all of the decorations and the shift in music on the radio. The holiday season should be one of happiness and joy, whether it's spent putting up the tree and telling stories about each ornament, or participating in the traditional family Christmas party. It shouldn’t be about grief and loneliness which comes as a result of losing a loved one. Unfortunately, for many people, these are the emotions that they will experience during the holiday season.

The first year following the death of a loved one can be extremely emotional and difficult for the loved ones left behind. The traditions that have been repeated year after year don't seem as wonderful as they did in years gone by. It may not be about Christmas day itself, rather, the little things that take place throughout the day that remind the survivor that the holidays will never be the same again.

    I sat down to talk with a friend who would be spending this Christmas holiday by herself for the first time in over 45 years. Her husband had passed away after his long battle with cancer had been lost. They were inseparable for all of those years, never spending a single holiday or major life event away from each other. She shared with me that her memories are what got her through each day, but going through Christmas for the first time was her biggest fear.
Their Christmas together wasn't about the size of the gifts or how many lights were used to decorate the trees. They shared a day with family, laughing, singing and being thankful for the gift of each other. Christmas breakfast was the one and only meal he made for her each year, and it was the same meal every year without change. He fried her two eggs, a piece of bacon, poured her a cup of coffee and buttered a slice of toast. He would bring her breakfast in bed, and while she ate, he would sing a Christmas song to her. This year, there would be no breakfast in bed, no Christmas song serenade, and no stolen kisses under the mistletoe.

I asked her to share with me how she thought she would be able to make it through this first Christmas day without her husband. She paused, and with a small smile on her face she told me, "I'll survive because now I can count backwards." I was lost with her response which she could easily tell by the look of confusion on my face. She went on to explain, "We spent 45 Christmas together. Now I'll count backwards for every Christmas I have without him. When I finish counting, I'll spend every Christmas as well as every other day with him for eternity." This was her way of surviving the one holiday that for most of us would be unbearable to survive.

Counting backwards won't be the answer for everyone but the message being sent with the story is about more than counting backwards. It's about finding a way to make it through the holiday and all the other holidays that will be eventually present. We're all wired differently and we grief differently as well. The holiday won't go away just because we don't want to go through it but future holidays will become a little easier to get through if we find the best way to make it through them today.
Theresa