If You Can't Rid Yourself of Funk, Decrease It!

Good morning fellow funkers! (Dang I like how that sounds!!)
Well, the verdict is in (ok, not really a "verdict" per say, just a bunch of middle aged women’s opinions) and it’s evident that funk is bigger than originally thought.

Yesterday, after posting my funk opener, several women acknowledged the existence of funk (one was brave enough to come out of the closet and comment!! Go De!!). I also learned from several women that the funk comes in many forms and at times, is not so easily recognizable. I went as far as to read my posting to my two teenagers and they both shouted “Hey, you do that!!” which validates the few observations of funk that I was able to capture. (What bothered them was me spending the remainder of the evening creating ideas that would brink funk out of the closet such as business cards, tee-shirts, and a possible name change…) I did learn that they don’t want to be known as the “Funker family!!” (Go figure, I thought it would be a hit!)

Can you really decrease funk? I think so! Yesterday for me was a funk decreaser and it came about very easily. But this isn’t about me and what’s going to work for me (ok, it really is but I’m going for the “not about me” appearance today ok??) This is about “your” funk and how you can decrease your funk and become, at some level, a normal functioning member of society once again.

I had further conversation with my friend about a few simple steps for decreasing funk and I think we came up with a few that may work for some of you. Short of causing harm or starting a new medication regimen (again, I want to emphasize that this is not a medical site and what pills you pump into your own body is your business), I’ll try to give a little advice based on what worked for me and hopefully, you’ll chime in some thoughts as well.

Here we go:

1.)    Run away: Yes, you heard me, run away. Not like your children do when they’re upset at you being in a funk mode, bag packed with a few snacks, an iPod and a few dollars, a real run away made especially for you. I keep my run aways very short and simple as I don’t have time to go to distant lands where I won’t be found. I run away to Starbucks (Can I say their name on this site without giving proper accolades?? Please go easy on me Starbucks police!!) I got a coffee card which I use 2 times a week by getting a cup of coffee, sitting outside of Starbucks and people watching. (The benefit of the card is you get free refills why you’re in the store!! Go Starbucks!! ) I sit, drink my coffee (tip: get a Grande in a Venti cup which leaves extra room for cream so you’re not dumping it in the garbage to make room and you only pay for the Grande – thanks to the secret Starbucks lady who gave me this tip!) and I people watch. I may acknowledge a few of them, smile a little but mostly, I just sit and watch. When I’m deep in funk, I occasionally put on my IPod and start singing to myself which makes people move away from me (hey, you haven’t heard my voice, it’s not all that!). This is my time and I enjoy it. I leave there and head home in a much more peaceful, highly caffeinated frame of mind which is good for everyone.

2.)   Order from a fast food restaurant and when you get to the window where they’re going to hand you your food roll your window up so only your hand can fit through and just wait! Now this may sound stupid (and it is) but it is hysterical and makes you laugh immensely! The person handing you the food will do one of two things: 1.) They’ll get it quickly and laugh along with you, remember you for the rest of their day and even tell a few people about it, or 2.) They’ll be so dry and without humor that they’ll stand there looking at you just not getting it. But don’t give in!! Stare them down and demand service! Ok, if it becomes apparent that they’re not going to be amused by this, you’ll need to set a time limit for sitting there with your hand dangling out of the window but I’ve never had to give in. Most drive through workers are twisted people themselves and they get it. (Credit to Veto on this one, he’s the master at it!)

3.)    Publically humiliated your children: How bad am I? Not bad really, but my children have become use to my public antics and since it runs in the family, it’s become expected (not enjoyed, just expected).  Go crazy on this one. Do as my dad would do, grab bread in the store and run down the aisles like a tard, following your children and yelling out how good you did to find the bread (note to self: you’ll need to purchase the bread after if you damaged it). When you go by the freezer section for French fries, jump in!! You heard me, get on up in there and take a break! Yes, it’s cold but the majority of people reading this are probably having hot flashes so what better place to rest? If management asks you what you’re doing, give them an empty stare followed by “Billy said to meet him here and I always do what Billy tells me to!” (btw, I don’t know a Billy but I always liked the name…)Get up, walk away with dignity and hope that you’re not thrown from the store and requested never to return again (although nowadays, it’s not like there aren’t too many grocery stores around right??!!)

I dare you! Pick one and try it or modify it and make it your own. But do something that makes you laugh and feel good and then come back and tell me about it. (I especially want to hear about the fast food attempts!)

Tootles!

Theresa